Giving a compliment [Blog]

Door: Ineke Hurkmans

How often do you give someone a compliment? Honest answer!

And how often do you give someone a compliment that doesn’t contain some sort of advice?  Come now, be honest... 

I once did an experiment by giving short compliments on Facebook.  Whenever I thought of someone, I just wrote down a compliment I wanted to give that person.  The effects were amazing: I received loving responses from so many people, which was a wonderful feeling. Without meaning to I ended up receiving so much!

I have noticed the same thing during a Jump conversation. At Step 3: ‘Tell me who you are right now’ we give that person a compliment without any hidden advice. It’s amazing to see how happy a compliment can make someone. Their resistance slowly disappears.  Feelings of discomfort and hesitation change into relaxation and enjoyment.

Beppie’s case is an example.  She took part in a Jump conversation in her organization where the focus was on ‘increasing revenue’. This was the direction the company wanted to move in with the Jump Movement Program.  Beppie worked as a receptionist.

Her resistance in taking part was more than obvious.  When we came to Step 3: ‘Tell me who you are right now in relation to increased revenue’ she didn’t mince her words: “I don’t care about that, it has nothing to with me. My job is to work at reception. Increasing revenue is for the people in sales, for the account managers.  I’m just here to greet people coming in and point them in the right direction. And that is all I have to say.” With that, she shut her mouth. Everyone was quiet....

The next part at Step 3 in the Jump manual is a compliment (without any advice), given by each member of the group. I caught the skeptical looks Beppie was giving her colleagues.  She bristled with resistance and for a minute I thought she was going to walk out.

Number 1 gave her a compliment: “Beppie, I love how you express yourself so clearly.” Number 2: “Beppie, you are such a honest person!” Number 3: “Beppie, I love the dropjes that are always on your desk, they’re like a mini oasis to me.” And so on, until everyone had given a compliment.

When I looked at Beppie I saw something special, and very recognizable. I noticed how she relaxed; her smile widened, her eyes started beaming and she looked surprised. Her resistance seemed to just melt away ... It was wonderful to see!

We continued onto Step 4: ‘Where do you want to go in relation to increased revenue?’ Beppie sat up straight: “I know!” Surprised, everyone looked at her. Not even 5 minutes ago this was a woman who exuded resistance, not willing to do absolutely anything in relation to increased revenue.

“What I am going to do is, with every client that comes in, I will look into their eyes. I think they would appreciate some personal attention. Whether this leads to higher revenue, I don’t know; it just seems like a great thing to do. That’s it.” She crossed her arms and sat down.  Everyone was stunned...

So here’s my message to the world: just give each other a compliment every now and then. It’s a fantastic thing to do and the effects may surprise you!


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